I have a book in my library that I bought for the cover alone.

I don’t even need to read this one. Everything I need to know about it is right there in five bright red words on the front of the book.

NO is a Complete Sentence by Megan LeBoutillier.

What more needs to be said? The title is a great reminder that we all have the right to declare boundaries of what we are willing to do, and accept, at the actions/requests of others.

And, we can declare those boundaries in just two letters: N-O. Period.

I forget this sometimes. That’s why I bought the book and have it facing out on my shelf.  Some days, I need that powerful reminder that I can be selfish and say “No.”

The problem with saying “No” is that other people tend not to appreciate it when we say it. They want our help, or think they need something from us, and when we refuse, they get upset…maybe they even accuse us of being uncaring and (gasp) selfish.

Which of course can make us then feel bad, so we cave in and say “OK” (which is a wimpy yes), and then we feel even worse. In the short-term, they get what they want and we feel bad in both the short- and long-terms.


So how can you give yourself permission to be selfish and say “NO?’

  1. Take a breath, slow down, and listen to your gut instinct. What does your intuition tell you to do?
  2. If your intuition is telling you to say “No,” then know that it’s OK to say it. It is your personal right.
  3. Take the action of saying it. Practice it. I invite you to say it with me now: NO. (Didn’t that feel good?)
  4. If the other person says you are selfish, remember your gut said “No” and stand in the power of your declaration.

Stop weakening yourself by saying “Yes” all the time. Give yourself permission to be selfish and say “NO.”

I promise, you’ll feel like a superhero!

About Your Columnist

Daniel Olexa is a featured columnist for Women Lead, the official blog of Connected Women of Influence. Dan likes to say he coaches Dead People with a gift to bring them back to life by breathing new air into their life story, as they exhale what they no longer need. He is a 3-time Amazon #1 Bestselling author, life coach trainer, keynote speaker, award-winning hypnotherapist, holistic entrepreneur, and Transcendent Living coach serving international clients from his home base in the Los Angeles area.

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